Before I hand you my phone to show you this picture of a dog I saw earlier Looking for the thing was wearing a little neckerchiefI must ask that you peruse the following document and sign at the bottom to acknowledge that you tning read and understood the terms of using my phone. Simply put, this phone is my life.
It also contains enough information for someone to blackmail me with a different secret every day for the next eight years. So thank you in advance for adhering to these rules for handling my phone:.
After I pass you my phone, please hold it very tightly—more tightly than I hold it, because I often drop it. Under no circumstances are you allowed to thibg left or right to tthing other pictures on my phone. The phone will be presented to you on a table, and you will Looking for the thing granted five seconds of close staring, with your hands behind your back, before I must take my phone back and close out of Looking for the thing app immediately.
Especially not YouTube videos. If a notification pops up, you must swipe it away immediately. The picture is just the right size, and you can zoom in if you need to.
If you turn off the no-rotation setting, I will forget to turn it back on, and, later tonight, when Foe stare at my phone for three hours while lying in bed on my side, everything will keep rotating. This is one of the worst things Looking for the thing can do to a human.
Do ask why I have eighteen unread text messages. Most of all, please be very invested in everything I show you on my phone, or at least feign excitement.
I need it ffor survive.
To Whom It May Concern: So thank you in advance for adhering to these rules for handling my phone: I only use Lyft. Recommended Stories.
Sign in. Get the best of The New Yorker in your in-box every day.